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Gaming Rant’s Rant – Battlefield

Battlefield 3 is by far one of the most graphically intensive video games ever created. Featuring a ton of beautifully stunning content and triple-a quality cinematography, I can’t help but wonder where such a wonderful game went so horribly wrong. Oh, that’s right, it’s trying to compete with Call Of Duty.

Battlefield is like a pretty Canadian. Yes, she looks hot as hell during the heat of the battle, but the instant winter rolls along, she ditches you for a demented snowman named Joe.
Once Joe melts away, due to the lack of any snowbucks, the pretty Canadian once again moves on to the next snowsicle, and milks, er, melts him for all that he’s got, all while frostbiting him on the neck.

The moral to this rather strange and offtopic story? Simple; Battlefield 3 is nothing more than a cheap Canadian with pretty features. Worst yet, she didn’t enjoy her previous look, and under fear that she could no longer hold on to her high school popularity, she decided to get a bunch of plastic surgery. (also, frostbiting was a reference to the engine, duh)

In the end, you’ve got a California clone of a Hollywood production, which ripped off a Bollywood flick.

 

 

Gaming Rant’s Rant is a new feature where we mindlessly rant about the things we enjoy, or occasionally praise the things we despise. It’s filled with horrible humor, poor comparisons, and one-sided flamewars. 
Read at your own risk. (even though, since you’re reading this disclaimer, you’ve probably already read the article, unless you’re a weird penguin and enjoy reading things backwards. If you are a weird penguin, we, on behalf of the human race, apologize for causing global warming, which will eventually kill every penguin on earth)